Doctors
The doctor on board for most of my sojourn was a little red headed English fellow whose name I also can't recall. A lot of us got prickly heat in the tropics and the Doc had his own special brew for this. It was equal parts of phenyl, methylated spirits and calamine lotion. You only put it on once, as it caused you to do an Indian war dance for around fifteen minutes and none of us had the time nor the pain tolerance for such frivolities. It was rumoured that he had other 'remedies' that could seal a dog's bum and grow hair on it within a week! When we came back from 'up-top' we got a new doctor, a dark swarthy bloke. Soon after he joined, we were in Sydney and during rush hour in the showers after "secure, liberty men to clean", some larrikin said "Did you know the new Doc is Jewish? He intends to ringbark anyone who still has their foreskin!" A couple of sailors present that fell into that category turned pale and one said "He ain' t ringbarking me, I'll tell you that for nothing!"
Well the new doctor being somewhat efficient, checked the medical records to see who needed their immunisations brought up to date. Then he listed the sailors and posted the list on the notice board with a note that they were to report to the sickbay at the earliest possible time. The guy who was most vocal about not being 'ringbarked' was on the list, and he thought he was in for the knife. He burnt a path to his Divisional Officer insisting that there was no way that Jewish bastard of a doctor was going to 'ringbark' him! The DO was completely lost and totally confused as to what he was on about.

The Birdman of HMAS Quiberon
There was a rating (sailor), don't know which division he was from but he used to spend a lot of his spare time at sea standing on the quarterdeck and mumbling to an ever present albatross following the ship, dipping into troughs and gliding around. I managed to have a conversation with him once and asked him what he was doing. At first he told me that I would not understand but I said "Try me". He said that he believed that when we die our spirit is born again and that in his belief the albatross was the spirit of his grandfather. I said to myself, I've got a rare one here or a smartie looking for a discharge on the grounds of mental instability. I strung him along for a while and in the finish I was convinced he definitely had a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock. The same guy ran a book on most people on board where he would list their name and then make the comment "bares watching" or something. I gave him a wide berth from then on, I'm not one to tempt fate.

The buffer, alias the 'Barber of Seville'
The buffer up till about November 1960 (the one sitting up front on a bollard in the ship's company photo) was also the ship's barber. He was so bad at it that I decided the only way t go was a crewcut as he couldn't mess that up - well not too much anyway. The buffer was a bit like the revered Cdr Brash ('The Stick') "get a haircut sailor". The buffer would cast a critical eye over you when you became a little wooly and say "I think it's about time we made an appointment son, don't you?"
The buffer set up his barber shop in the flat outside the ship's office. He had all the equipment but that didn't make him a good barber. I think in his previous life he was probably a shearer's cook so he knew enough to be dangerous.

Webmaster's note: (ex TO Wade - R57916)

When I was posted to HMAS Watson and working in part for Naval Intelligence, I had the 'honour' to be 'security' at an underground symposium there. Many heads of the navy were to be present and I was instructed to ensure that no one entered without proper identification!
As it happened, Cdr Brash arrived with his entourage and stated "I'm Commander Brash and I vouch for these people" waving a hand over the group behind him. "Your ID Sir" I requested, seeing he did not have it visible on his uniform, "You know who I am Wade! ", he said. "Sorry sir, can't admit anyone without proper authority!" I was having a ball!! I never thought I would have such an opportunity in my life. Cdr Brash was well and truly loosing his patience and being embarrassed in front of his 'league'. Unfortunately my D.O. who was organising the symposium, arrived and gave him admission. He knew too well why it had happened and we had a private chuckle later. 'The Stick' was not a liked man amongst the lower deck.

Another aside relating to the above posting, I was asked to collect a batch of "TOP SECRET" photos from the phot department near Circular Quay. So there I was in civvies, on my trusty brown hand panted Lamberetta scooter, "Who gave you early leave Wade?" as I departed the main gate at WATSON. Of course I had to pass through the Cross and much of the city to collect these photos plainly marked "TOP SECRET" on the envelope. I collected the package and stuffed it down my front and mounted the scooter again for my return journey.
A wry grin crept across my face as I envisaged the headlines in the paper should I come a cropper on my return. "TOP SECRET PHOTOS SCATTERED OVER THE CROSS!!" Hmm.
Part of my job at WATSON was to compile these photos into dossiers along with appropriate related data. Some of the images made the hair on my neck bristle when I thought of the risks people were taking to collect and forward such images.
When on the PARRAMATTA and visiting Japan, while sailing through the inland sea we photographed many Russian and other "non alliance" vessels using the gun camera secretly mounted in the Main Signal Office with an excellent view out the port scuttle. With the resolution of that camera they could make out the manufacturers name on the rivets!! Let alone any signs electronic equipment on the upper deck.

My term in the Navy was never dull . . . when it seemed to be getting that way, I did something damn stupid to change the status quo and wound up at the 'green table'. Two stints at Holsworthy for 'maximum terms' came out of two of my visits to the 'green table' but usually it was only a bit of leave stoppage.

My thoughts caused a wry grin on another occasion when on the Quiberon 1962 in the Asia region. We had been exercising heavily for two weeks without even seeing port. To us Aussies, that was unheard of, not to say extremely stressful. When we did hit port (Penang I think or what's that port west of Kuala Lumpur on the mainland - never mind) as I was saying, when we hit port everyone not on duty went ashore and got absolutely smashed! When we returned, it was change of watch. The sober got their heads down and the returned drunks took the ship to sea!! The Skipper saw the bow hawser off and handed over to the Jimmy. He saw the stern line and springer off and handed over to the Officer of the Watch. About then I went off for a quiet chunder and returned feeling much better.
We were in company with the Quickmatch at the time and we were senior ship. It was Vernon's idea to train the communicators of the bridge to con the ship in case of real emergency. It appears that this must have been one of those emergencies. By the time we had steamed 100 yds from the wharf, the only personnel left on the bridge were the bosun's mate, myself and the OW. Then the OW said "Well Wade, do keep an eye on our friends over there (the Quickmatch) and maintain this heading until (approx half an hour) then steer (he gave me a bearing). I'm just ducking down to the Ops Room for a while." Then he disappeared down the hatch. When it came time to change course, I called the Ops Room to enquire if the OW was still there. "No sir, came the reply". So, following my orders, I called down the course change to the wheel-house where I dutifully received the reply "steer course **** Sir" then shortly, when the heading was gained "Course **** Sir".
Can you imaging the headlines there? Warship collides with ordinary rating in command!!!
TO's were by name and nature "Tactical Operators" we were trained in fleet and ship tactics as well as inter-ship communication. We had a range of functions onboard, including cypher work, (I was at that stage cleared to SECRET) semaphore, ship to ship radio, portable radio work, flag and Aldas (light signaling) as well as maintaining the onboard signals office for the despatch of signals received to the relevant officers aboard.
I was never much good at semaphore, morse or flags but worked best in the Main Signals Office doing cypher and signal despatch. Later, on the Duchess, I was given an award for "excellence" in the MSO.
I really enjoyed my time at Watson because of the Intelligence work. Also, I had a chance to con my very own 'ship'. They had a 'fleet simulator' at HMAS Watson, which consisted of a number of small compartments or 'ships'. Here they could simulate a submarine hunt with a 'fleet' of ships in order to train officers in a simulated battle. Often 'dummy' ships were required. They didn't do much except maintain position in the fleet. Occasionally there would be an instruction given on a 'private' line to make a reported sighting or such. Here I was Skipper, communicator and most of the crew. There was a Radar Plot (RP) usually female, as she would be doing her shore training on a 'real life' experience, and she would keep track of the ships. It was better than the modern computerised sea battles!