Fights
The biggest hiding I ever got in my life was from a little Kiwi guy who ran a burger bar in Devonport, New Zealand, a suburb of Auckland. We had been drinking all day, which was quite unusual as you will understand, and as usual off we went to get a burger. I was first served and when I took a bite the meat pattie was raw inside and black and burnt on the outside! I demanded to know who had cooked it as I was feeling 10' tall and around 16 stone. Out came this little fella and on today's standards he was about the build of Jeff Fenneck. He said "I did, what's wrong?". I said "Take a look at it you weed, I want another". With that he proceeded o belt me all around the burger bar. It was a bit like the old cowboy movies. He was punching me over tables, chairs and such were going in all directions. I said to myself, keep calm son and land a few and you're home and hosed. Unfortunately, he was like greased lightening. I hit him twice in about the two minutes it took him to demolish me. To add insult to injury the Kiwi, when he had finished with me, grabbed me by the seat of the pants and collar and threw me out followed by my cap. I was brave again by then as I was on the footpath and he was inside. I said "I'll be back tomorrow when I'm sober". He said "I'll be waiting for you!". Needless to say, I never went back, especially after surveying myself in the mirror the next day.

Sunday Prayers
As the Supply & Secretariat Division was a small division, our divisional officer, Lt Young, knew each of us quite well. After Sunday Divisions at sea we had prayers led by the Captain. If you were a Roman Catholic you were exempted from the prayer (in case the heathen Protestants corrupted you). I was a Protestant, but like a lot of others, I used to fall out when the order "Fall out Roman Catholics" was given. Lt Young questioned me saying he thought I was a Protestant. Obviously he had been to the Captain's Office to check my service file. I said I was considering changing my religion and needed to talk to some Roman Catholics about it. I don't think he bought it, though I continued to fall out with the 'left footers'. I often wondered what happened when the Captain was Catholic or were Catholics never allowed to reach those dizzy heights.

Beer Issue
As soon as you drafted onto a ship, the moment your mess mates spied you they would ask "If you don't drink at sea, can I have your beer issue?" It made you feel welcome. It is surprising how many guys didn't drink at sea and if you were alert and got to new draftees first, you could have multiple 26 fl oz cans of beer with each beer issue. The best I managed was three.

Tattoos
I qued up a few times to get a tattoo but fortunately sobered up before my time came. So my body is a blank page. Some fellas had a real penchant for tattoos and there were some beauties. Some of note I can remember:

• "Everready" tattooed on a penis
• "Your name" tattooed on a penis. The guy used to ask girls their name and when they enquired about theirs they would say "Its tattooed on my dick!" So, being curious, they would have to have a look.
• A flock of bats flying out of the bum-crack.
• A chain and cork on the bum cheek
• Hinges on the inside of each elbow
• A big eye on each cheek of the bum
• A pair of legs poking out of the navel with the caption "Help!"